


Varian's Guide to Trolling Ex Boyfriends

by Nerdasaurus1200



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Mentions of Sex, Modern AU, Moving In Together, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdasaurus1200/pseuds/Nerdasaurus1200
Summary: In which Varian drives off Cass's douchebag ex like a good boyfriend
Relationships: Cassandra/Varian (Disney: Tangled)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Varian's Guide to Trolling Ex Boyfriends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RKG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RKG/gifts).



“Now, are you 100% sure that you’re okay with me moving in with you? I snore REALLY loudly.” Cassandra checked in.

Varian froze in place, set the box down and gave her a look. “Cassie. I have slept with you 27 and a half times. Your snoring is adorable and it could never bother me.” He informed her almost sternly. Then he flashed Cass a quick smile to let her know he wasn’t ACTUALLY mad, which made her giggle. 

“Either way, I can’t thank you enough for this.” She told him, “You saved me from the hell of ‘Ohhhh, Eugene! That’s it! There! Faster!’”

Varian bit his lip to hold back a snicker at Cassandra’s rather awful Rapunzel impersonation. “Instead, it’ll be you moaning my name.” He purred, smirking at her. Cassandra blushed but then smirked back. 

“I don’t move and fiddlestick on the first day, cowboy.” She retorted, winking at him before moving another box into her room. Varian knew she likely wasn’t looking, but he swooned anyway. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. Cassie was moving in with him! HIM! And no matter how many times he pinched himself, she was still there carrying boxes. And he could read all the labels on them so he knew for a fact he wasn’t dreaming. From now on, every day when he woke up she’d still be there. He’d get to see her tiredly slug into the living room as he was making breakfast. He could see her over his coffee cup as she worked on a report six hours before she had to send it in. And, just as importantly….neither of them would have to drive across down if they felt that familiar itch. He didn’t have to wait to see her give him that sweet lustful stare, strip herself of all her clothes so he could once again see his cream skinned moonlit goddess, and watch her lay back as he nestled between her legs and- 

Suddenly Cassandra’s phone blared “I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive!”, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“Cassie, someone’s calling you!” He started to say, but before he could finish his sentence, Cass rushed over to her phone looking like a deer in headlights.

“No, no, no….” She mumbled, almost instinctively curling up in a ball on the couch and clutching her right arm, something that he knew was a nervous habit.

“What’s wrong, Cassie?” He asked gently, moving closer to wipe her tears. 

“I-It’s him...he’s calling…” She mumbled. Varian looked over at Cassandra’s phone and didn’t even try to stop the huff and the scowl when he saw that Andrew’s name was on her screen He felt a little pride that Cass had taken down the picture of her and Andrew at the beach that used to be there whenever he called her. But still, his blood was boiling at this. How dare he just up and call her like this after everything he’d done! 

“You know what? You don’t need to deal with this. I’ll take care of him, okay?” He reassured. 

“Nono, wait, don’t!” Cassandra protested, but it was too late. Varian had already picked up her phone and answered Andrew’s call. Before he could verbally answer, Andrew was already talking. 

“Hey, Cassie baby. It’s me. Listen, I was thinking, why don’t we have dinner tonight? Like old times? Maybe we could talk things over.” He said. Varian looked over at Cass to make sure she was still at least somewhat okay. But his heart sunk when she saw she looked even more freaked out. At this rate, like hell was he letting Andrew anywhere NEAR her! 

“T-This isn’t Cassandra..this is Varian. Varian Padare.” Varian replied, trying to sound manly in an attempt to scare him off a bit. 

“Varian who? Where the hell is Cassie?” Andrew asked. 

“You don’t get to talk to her. Maybe you should have thought about making nice with her before you went and cheated on her with a fake breasted hoochie from Hooters, which side note, who leaves a girl’s panties when you’re done fucking her?! I mean, really, how stupid can you be?! And by the way, nobody calls her Cassie-baby except for me, you got that, punk?!" Varian growled, “Oh wan while I have you, remember that thing you wanted so desperately out of Cass? She gave it to me. Thanks for making room for the real man, dude.” He smirked proudly, mostly because of Cass’s shocked laugh.

“WHAT THE FU-” Andrew yelled, and then Varian hung up. He turned to Cassandra, smiling smugly. 

“And THAT is how you get rid of an ex boyfriend.” He boasted as he tossed her phone and jumped next to her on the couch. “Are you okay?” He asked Cassandra.

“More than okay.” She replied, “I actually can’t believe you did that.”

“I’d do anything for you, Cassie baby.” Varian told her. And as she gazed into Cassandra’s eyes, she knew that he meant it.

“Thank you, Varian. So so much.” Cassandra whispered, scooting into his lap.

Varian smiled softly at her, and laid his head on hers. Ah yes, there it was. That sweet familiar scent of blackberries. And now he was gonna be smelling every day. God, he loved his new roommate...wait...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave kudos and comments!


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